I've been thinking a lot about religion over the past year, and my thinking has lead me in a direction I could not say I had anticipated. Instead of becoming more religious, I have lost my faith in God altogether.
I do not find that to be a bad thing, for obvious reasons (one being that I chose to let go of my faith myself) but instead a step in the right direction: I am making my faith (or lack thereof) my own. I am not taking what anyone else says and just agreeing with it, but I am identifying parts and pieces of what I see in the world around me and integrating them into my own collage of beliefs.
For example, I don't belong to a church anymore, or any christian organization, from which to derive my beliefs. I am around such groups, but as I recognize myself as an outsider, I feel free to openly disagree with what they say. I don't have to be swayed or directed towards something not my own, but I see and hear what is around me, and use my own discretion on what I choose to accept.
I do not believe in a god. I do not believe in morality. I do believe in people. I believe in the here and now, and to some degree the future and the past. I accept that other people do believe in God, and I have no problem with that. I am no one to try and project my beliefs onto anyone else because all I have is exactly that: my belief. It belongs to me. Mine. My own. No one else's.
And I like that. As great as it would be to be in the company of people who share in my beliefs, I have a freedom that I could never attain among such a community. I do like to (and try to whenever such an occasion presents itself) give and receive feedback on philosophical and religious questions with open-minded individuals. Frequently, they can shed light on a perspective I previously never considered as plausible. I don't want to feel alone in the world, but I acknowledge what other people can bring to the table.
Other times, I shun away from people I fear may not be so communicable about a differing set of ideals, and I don't like confrontations that leave either party feeling belittled or pitied. Those are not positive human interactions, and I can't imagine any religion would want such an occurrence. My only conclusion is that open-mindedness is necessary in inter-faith communications. (I don't need to bring in commentary about how badly it is missing...)
Anyway, I'm very interested in what people have to say about religion in general. I don't intend to stop my search for answers here. This may be only an interlude in my quest, but this is where I am today.
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I've actually been thinking about some of the same things myself, but while you are an individual capable of completing anything you set your mind to; personally, I need some security in my life right now. In other words, I still belong to my church, but I don't necessarily hold all the beliefs of the people of "my" faith (the Presbyterians). Instead, I find it comforting to use the church as a building block and let my faith grow from that. I've tried to create my own unique set of ideals that I can actually follow. I don't want anybody to lead me step by step, but every once in a while I'll allow them to point me in (what they think is) the right direction. I have to admit, my favorite part about my beliefs isn't that I have a unique set to be an individual; rather I have developed a unique set of beliefs because it reflects how I think and what I choose to believe and they create a system for me that I enjoy pondering and following.
ReplyDeleteWell, I've found I don't have much of a choice in the matter: church really doesn't fit my beliefs at all. All the same, Scott, I'm very glad to hear that you are taking your faith into your own hands and acknowledge your freedom to do so. I really can't stand it when people subscribe to the store-bought religion and have no ownership at all. You do get the best of both worlds when you give yourself the space to think for yourself, and I certainly applaud you for that.
ReplyDeleteGreg - the same thing happened to me - i thought going to a catholic college was going to pull me back into the church but it totally pushed me away to the point that i dont even consider myself a catholic anymore. But i still believe in god, and i'm totally with scoot - church is a comfort for me. I still go to church and i still am active in the church because i like the feeling, support, and security (plus we have spanish mass here and its awesome). I like being a part of a community that is working to do good - even if i dont agree with their beliefs.
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