Religion

Religion is a funny subject. I have been consciously been avoiding the topic to this point in all of my scheming in regards to my Meaning. I felt like I had it all figured out except for this little thing called God.

That was unfortunate, but I figured God would find His place in my ideals eventually, so I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t worried until I finally took a step back and critically examined my religious beliefs; then I was terrified.

See, instead of seeing what I was hoping to see – the good Christian boy I grew up knowing – I identified my questions and qualms with the church. I was not comfortable saying what I did and did not believe; instead, I only saw what I did not believe. And that was shocking.

Doubts are inherent in everything I conceive, but I did not leave room for the magnitude of doubts I was dealing with in my religious views. And that was crippling, and I felt like my world had fallen apart around me. If these thoughts aren’t solidified, then what can I have an unbreakable belief in if not in religion? And that made its way to my head and intruded on everything I did.

It took me a while, and some deal of outside help, to realize that I didn’t need to have the solution to my doubts. In fact, I didn’t even have to be able to conceive of a way to even ever dispel my beliefs.

It is the question that drives me, not the uncertainty that kills me.